saisdontmatter | (no subject)

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[When sickness hit the Hamato household, it swept through like wildfire. And ever since Splinter found himself with two sick little turtles on his hands, he was determined to keep the other two as germ-free as possible. So as soon as they woke and they ate their meager breakfast, he shooed Raphael and Leonardo out of the den, hurriedly telling them to bring back anything they found of use before being pulled away by his sick ones' alarmed whimpers.

Raphie was more than happy to leave the den. It stank like throw up in there, and being hungry made it even worse. Ever since Donnie and Mikey got sick, Splinter hasn't been able to go topside for food, and splitting a can of tuna fish and a couple slices of stale bread with Leo left him feeling hollow inside. He'd been growing a lot lately, way more than his brothers, and it was making him feel hungry all the time. Maybe they'd be able to find some cool stuff while they were out, or even some more food.

The only problem is, he has no idea where to look. Splinter doesn't usually take him out on scavenge runs. It's because he's too noisy and doesn't listen, but his brothers tell him it's because he cries too much. But that's because they're stupid and Splinter doesn't take them either! No one gets to go except for Leo, because he's a daddy's boy and the favorite. And a stupid idiot, but that's besides the point.

So. That leaves two nine year old turtles and one mission. Raphie looks at his brother, shrugs, and starts shuffling off to wherever his feet take him. Because there's no way he's gonna let Leo tell him where to go. He'll just walk until he finds something.]

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Most of it's just trash... bottles and wrappers and stuff. But remember the time we brought home that whole pretzel? Sometimes the humans just throw away their food when it's still in its container.

[He knows his brother is fascinated by humans - heck, so is Leo, even if they make him nervous too. But he's not too worried about Raph's sudden interest; they've all heard the shuffling feet and low murmurings overhead while playing near storm drains in the warmer months. Master Splinter doesn't like them being so close to topside, but this would hardly be the first time they've done so.]

Yeah, I remember that! You think we could find one?

[Just the idea makes his stomach grumble. In an instant, he takes off running down the tunnel out of pure excitement. Better keep up!]

C'mon!

H-hey! Wait up! [Leo takes off after his brother, following him down the tunnel as it twists and turns and, eventually, branches. They know where all the storm drains near the lair are, and he's guessing Raph is just heading for the nearest one.] Jeez, Raph, you sound like an elephant charging around in the sewers!

[Leo is clearly the more stealthy one, yelling as he is.]

[Raph just laughs and keeps running. He likes the sound his feet make pounding the mud-lined tunnels, splashing through puddles that turn to trickling streams of street water.

As they get closer to the first storm drain and the water gets deeper, he slows down, quieting his steps until he can see gray daylight light up ahead.

Cautiously, he waits for Leo to catch up again. His panting breath echoes hollowly off the wet tunnel walls.]

Oh, it's raining.

[He breathes it like they're witnessing some forbidden wonder of science, like they've just set foot in an ancient tomb. Up above he can hear engines and car tires slicing through the rainwater, smell the scent of cigarette smoke and exhaust fumes. It's like a whole 'nother world up there, both amazing and terrifying at the same time.

He stops just a dozen feet from under the grate, his heart pounding in his ears.]

[It takes Leo only a second or two to arrive after Raph, his feet splashing just as loudly in the murky water underfoot. He halts next to his brother, his breaths coming in quiet pants, and looks from Raphael to the gray expanse of light filtering through slits in the metal grate overhead.]

[Rain.]

[Leo likes the rain. He doesn't get to see much of it, living underground and all, but he likes the way it completely overtakes the seemingly never-ending sky. He likes the city-sounds, water splitting as it's parted by moving cars, and the tapping of raindrops on asphalt and metal. He likes the different smells, the different sounds. It makes the city seem like a whole different place.]

[Task temporarily forgotten, he looks back at Raph, sending him a small smile. As rarely as he gets to be near topside while it's raining, for his brother this must be like discovering a new country. Even when they used to play near the storm drains, Splinter always came to fetch them almost immediately when it began raining - the risk for flooding was too high.]

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah.

[He creeps closer, trying hard to keep his footsteps silent in the ankle deep water. The floor of the drain is easily a foot deep with cigarette butts and old chewing gum, a waterlogged confetti of paper and dirty wrappers. Up above he can hear men's voices rumbling over the sound of traffic and smell... It's one of the most delicious smells he's ever smelled in his life. Though he can't see it from the grate, the smell of cooking oil and roasting meat from a nearby food truck is enough to make his stomach clench with hunger pains.]

I think I smell pretzels!

[He still whispers, but he can't keep the excitement out of his voice as he eagerly searches the ankle-deep slog for signs of something edible.]

You're not going to find anything there. Besides, it's too dirty. Look, come here for a sec.

[Leo wades through the water to peer up through the storm drain, his mouth tugging back down into a line. Very rarely, stuff got stuck in the treads without falling into the filthy slog below, and Master Splinter would risk getting right up close to the streets in order to wriggle it the rest of the way through. But Leo doesn't see anything caught in the grate other than the usual trash - looks like this one's a bust.]

[He hopes he didn't get Raph's hopes up too high; this is the usual deal. That pretzel had been a miracle. Probably some human had dropped it, threw it back into its little paper box, and tossed it into the gutter. It was a little moist when they found it, but it was still one of the best things any of them ever tasted.]

[Leo regrets ever bringing the stupid pretzel up, especially now that the smell of cooking food is wafting down from above. It makes his mouth water and his stomach clench painfully. He sighs, shaking his head.] I don't see anything.

[But Raph isn't ready to give up yet. That food smell is driving him crazy, and there just has to be something they can use in all this garbage!

He starts pawing at the waterlogged mess, already forgetting to stay quiet.]

There has to be something. Look at all this stuff!

Quiet, shell-head! [Leo hisses, glancing anxiously back up towards the streets. Luckily the bustle of the city seems to be quite capable of drowning out two small voices from the sewers, but still.] Even if something did get washed all the way down here, it'd be way too gross to eat! The rest of us would just get sick, too!

[He angrily kicks at the water.]

I'm not a shell-head! [He's just hungry and wants to find something to bring home to Splinter now so he'll be so impressed at how quick he found stuff before Leo ever could then decide to take him on all the scavenging trips instead of Leo forever.

Patience never was his strong point, and he's already frustrated enough to start throwing a tantrum.]

[The temptation to yell, "Yes you are! Shell-head!" is overwhelming, but Leo manages to stop himself. Even if Raph is being annoying, they're too close to the humans to have a loud fight right now.]

[Instead Leo picks his way closer to Raph, holding his hands out placatingly.] Shhh! Look, it was a long stretch anyway. Most of the humans are probably eating inside right now because of the rain. Maybe we should just look somewhere else.

[He stops stomping around, fists balled at his sides and yells as loud as he can manage. It's not a good idea. Even when he's doing it he knows it's not a good idea, but he does it anyways because he has to before he explodes for real.]

It's not f-fuh-fair!

[It's not fair that he can't find anything without the help of precious favorite son Leo. It's not fair the humans get to eat when they don't and he's hungry. It's not fair nothing ever goes right!]

[Leo visibly jumps at that ear-splitting screech. It echoes around them both, barreling down the length of the tunnels on both ends, rising far above the sounds of screeching tires and blaring horns.]

Raphael! Shut up! [He all but shouts back, lurching forward to grab his brother's arm and drag him away from the storm drain.] They'll hear you!

[Leo manages to drag him a few steps before he rips his arm away.]

Let them hear! I'm gonna kick all their butts!

[Then a shadow passes over the storm grate, the bottoms of someone's shoes click across the metal grill and stop accompanied by a man's voice. "Hello?" It says, and Raphael's heart jumps into his throat. In an instant he's flying down the tunnel, far, far away from the human terror of the street.]

[Leo freezes when something passes over the grate, casting a shadow over both him and Raph. He whirls around to see a dark figure silhouetted against the gray light. The man is crouched down, trying to peer into the dim sewers. "Is someone down there?" he asks a bit more loudly, voice heavy with concern.]

[Oh man. Oh man.]

[Leo is bolting down the tunnels not a moment after Raph, his mind spinning. Did he see them? Is he gonna call someone? Are they gonna open up the sewers looking for some little kids now? No! This is so close to the lair!]

[He just keeps running after Raph. He has no idea where they're going, but he runs.]

[He runs until the adrenaline stops spinning everything into fast-forward. His lungs burn, his legs ache, and his heartbeat throbs in his throat. He slows to a jog, then a walk, then slump down onto the dirty floor, his shell scraping the brickwork wall, and hugs his knees to his chest. For a while he'll just sit there, shaking, saying nothing.]

[He comes to a stuttering halt next to his brother, propping one arm against the tunnel wall to support himself as he leans the other on his knee. His heartbeat pounding in his ears, he gulps the muggy sewer air down, glaring down at his brother.]

[Way to go, Raph. You just had to throw a tantrum and call the human, didn't you? Leo really wants to get in his face about it, but with the way he's curled up against the wall shaking, he just doesn't have the heart. He's not as mean as Mikey. Instead he tears his gaze away to look around them, only to have his stomach leap into his throat.]

[Oh shell. He doesn't know where they are.]

[Okay. Don't let Raph know that. It'll be fine - he's been up and down this part of the sewers, he's bound to recognize something eventually. Leo nervously takes a few paces towards the way they came, squinting down the length of the tunnel.]

I... I don't think he's going to try to follow us. [His voice is shaking a bit; he hopes so, at least.]

[Raph doesn't respond, just buries his face in his arms. He ruined everything, almost got them caught, and now Leo's gonna tell Splinter and he'll never be allowed out of the den ever again.

Tears prick at his eyes, makes him sniffle pathetically. There goes Raphie again, crying like a big baby. The thought of being teased only makes him want to cry even more.]

[Leo bites his lip as he looks back at his brother. Uh oh. If Raph starts with one of his crying episodes, it's going to take forever to get them moving. He doesn't want to stay here any longer than they have to.]

[This is all his fault. He shouldn't have told Raph about the runoff spots at all; he knows his brother has a hard time keeping his emotions in check, especially recently. Now they're lost, and... and a human might have seen them. Or they might come into the sewers looking for human children. He really messed this up.]

[Leo shuffles closer to his brother, careful not to invade his personal space too badly. His voice is as gentle as being an anxious nine-year-old permits.]

Come on, Raphie, it's not that bad. There's a lot of other places we can check. There's...

[He hesitates and trails off. When it comes to food, the main source is topside itself. But Master Splinter always makes Leo wait at the bottom of the manhole for that. He shakes his head.] Want to try somewhere else?

[Another wave of what feels like grief washes over him, making him sob wetly into the dark space by his knees. Why does he have to be so stupid? Why do humans have to be so mean and scary and hoard all the good stuff when his family could use some of that good stuff too. And as soon as Leo tells on him his life will be pretty much over. He can imagine Splinter's face now. He'll probably hit him and tell him to go sit in the corner for hours and hours and Mikey will make fun of him the whole time and it'll be the worst day of his life.

This is the worst day of his life.]

I hate humans. [He sobs without looking up. He doesn't want to go anywhere. He just wants to sit here and be miserable.]

[Aw, man. Strap in your seat belts, the crying train has just taken off. Frustrated, Leo draws away again, crossing his arms and leaning his shell back against the pipes. His head turns away from Raph, and he peers grimly down the tunnel as he waits for his brother to ride out the tears. There's just no stopping him once he gets started like this. Leo'll just make things worse the more he tries to talk to Raph.]

[He wishes he could understand his brother sometimes, especially times like now. But he's given up on that years ago.]

[And now Leo won't even talk to him. He can't even think of what he's thinking now. There goes Raphie, the crazy weirdo who can't stop crying all the time. Just ignore him, because nobody wants to help him ever. They just laugh at him and call him stupid and tell him to go sit by himself and never talk to him or explain anything or even care.

Leo doesn't care how much he hates humans. He doesn't care about why or anything, and it just makes him howl with grief until he finally tires himself out to just sniffling miserably for a while.

If he stops crying that doesn't mean he's all better. It just means he's tired. He hopes Leo knows that. He is not better and he still hates humans and he'll hate Leo even more if he tells.]

[He's glad his head is turned away from Raph, because that way he can't see the way Leo cringes with every sob that pounds through the sewers like a siren wail. He hates it when Raph cries, and not just because he does it all the time - they might not always get along, but Raph's his brother. It's not as though he likes it when he's upset. At least... not anymore. It's not funny anymore. It hasn't been funny for a long time.]

[The only reason Leo is ignoring him is because he doesn't know what else to do. It almost seems like Raph hates him lately. He can't figure out why, and it hurts his feelings when Raph says some of the stuff he does. But he's positive that trying to talk to his brother while he's crying would just make things a hundred times worse.]

[When the loud wailing quiets down into sniffles, Leo turns slowly back around to face Raph, the cloth between his eyes pinched. He crouches down and edges a little closer.]

You okay now? [It's genuine concern, soft and inquisitive. If Raph doesn't pull away, Leo will shuffle closer until their arms are touching.] Hey... I'm sorry, okay?

[He doesn't pull away, just wipes his face on his arm and glares with swollen eyes at the moss-covered wall ahead.

In Raph's mind, he's always the victim. He's always the one everyone hates and is never good at anything. He always messes things up whether he means to or not, and he always feels like it's never his fault. It's their fault for making him act like this. It's their fault for not understanding him. But Leo's apology doesn't make it any better. It doesn't feel real. It just sounds like he's saying it to shut him up.]

Wuh-what are you s-suh-suh-sorry for?

I should've known there'd be a dumb, nosy human up there. They always come and stop us from getting the best stuff.

[Sure, he might be mostly trying to make his brother feel better, but there's a large element of truth to it, too. Maybe Raph messed up, but so did Leo. So they're even, right? Right.]